Saturday, November 28, 2009

Feckless Fluffs American Currency Reserves in Washington with Greedy Claws





Photo of unidentified cat, 2008.


After seeing the piles of stolen credit cards Pre-Approved Cat had managed to lift from San Francisco's finest restaurants, Feckless Cat just had to up-claw more cash somewhere, then brag about it to Pre-Approved Cat.

Both were criminals with no morals, decency or legal standards to their fur, but even in the criminal cat world, talent counted for something.

"How did you get into the White House, Feckless? I would think the cash up there is well guarded," said Pre-Approved Cat in stunned admiration.

"I got right through those Secret Service clowns with my maid outfit," said Feckless Cat. "Once in, I pretended to puff the pillows around bedtime for the elite. Remove flecks of dust from those fancy rugs with my paws. Everyone was pleased."

"Okay, but where'd you find all the money?" asked Pre-Approved.

"Under the mattresses...errr...I mean, in the Federal Reserve," said the criminal cat.




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PRE-APPROVED CAT LIFTS CREDIT AT ALL THE RIGHT TABLES IN SAN FRANCISCO



"PRE-APPROVED CAT...at your service"



It was one of the most exclusive dining clubs in San Francisco's Financial District.

"Even famed bankers need reservations two weeks in advance for Bix on Gold Street," Feckless the Cat said while counting laundered money one day.

But Pre-Approved Cat, San Francisco's most wanted financial criminal, was playing the tables Saturday night like only he could.

Pre-Approved, wearing a white apron, approached a couple of suited bankers eating a sauced, seared tuna.

"May I take your card, gentlemen?" said Pre-Approved.

"Yes, please," said one of the men.

That's all there was too it. Pre-Approved Cat wandered from club to club, restaurant to restaurant, hotel to hotel behind servers in wait staff attire, getting permission to take credit cards. Theft was never so easy for Pre-Approved Cat.

The glitzy tag seemed to help, of course. "PRE-APPROVED CAT...at your service."


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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Obama Gets Helpful Fortune Cookie from President Hu Jintao






Cat from SF SPCA website, cats for adoption area; Photo of Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad from Creative Commons Attribrution on Wikipedia.


U.S. President Barak Obama loved his trip to China in November of 2009.

"While touring The Great Wall with excited Chinese reporters following, the American president finally opened his gift from Chinese President Jintao, who was worried about the U.S. currency," Feckless Criminal Cat said to Pre-Approved Crime Cat while counting phony money in a back alley.

"What gift? New suit or something?" Pre-Approved Cat answered, glancing at Feckless from his own pile of stolen cash.

"It was a fortune cookie. The president smiled, opened it and cheerfully popped some of the snack into his mouth. He paused to read the text inside the cookie to anxious reporters," said Feckless Cat, who'd spied on the whole episode while abroad.

"What did it say?" asked Pre-Approved.

"'Confucius warn: Ah-ma-DOLLAR-jad play checkers alone.'" Feckless answered.


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Friday, November 13, 2009

FECKLESS' SF CAT CHARITY SCAM NETS MILLIONS






Photo of cow on road, 2008; Changa the cat at SF SPCA site up for adoption Nov 13 2009



WANTED
FECKLESS THE CAT
DEAD OR ALIVE

Suspect in attack on Acme Construction Crew. Short white hair, beady eyes which swing right and left looking for new victims, prominent black spot shaped like free-range chicken with grenade. Cat tag reads “JUSTICE” and depicts fish in full-body cast. Walks in misaligned fashion, assumed to be result of bulldozer “accident” after he refused to move aside.

REWARD !!!
City Hall kickbacks
Free plane tickets
Best of all…..

Early Bird Special:

Act now and get exclusive, European, fine, aged, high-end, special formula, luxury, glitzy

ALL-AMERICAN BEEF CAT FOOD

And

EASY, PART-TIME JOBS WITH BIG EXPENSE ACCOUNTS

ALL MANAGED BY CITY’S
TAKE-NO-ACCOUNTS OFFICE

(360) 752-6581
Ask for Dart de Feline

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$


The Charity Drive with Feckless the Cat
February 15, 2009



Chapter One


I had a dog. He ran away from home one day and I couldn’t believe the story that eventually got back to me about what he saw during his errant trip to San Francisco, and how he survived….

It was called the North American Society for Poor and Homeless Kitties. It was Feckless’ front organization, and a darned reliable slot machine; Cash just about got up on its own and ran toward kitties in distress.

A large part of the proceeds actually did go to cats of underprivileged breeds in the gutter – the organization had to look well at accounting time – but history books were seldom written on outfits like this, and read half often as that. Feckless knew it, and acted toward his goal diligently, all the while purring happily like any other cat.

Whenever the organization made shopping mall fund drives, Feckless made certain that only the most dramatic cases were featured of cats that had been pierced, crucified, drawn and quartered, stampeded by packs of wolves, then dragged screaming for help behind old Chevy pick ups on remote country roads as cows in surrounding pastures stared aloofly, watching everything, witnessing nothing.

As any attorney will tell you in a court of law, of course, watching and witnessing is not the same thing.

Other victims had been pummeled, gagged, stretched, and then made to wear clown outfits in front of other cats while being forced to perform humiliating cat tricks.


So, one breezy afternoon outside the garden entrance of a mall in an affluent town, five pitiful cats sat in cages with kibbles and water and plush fleece blankets. Each creature was a portrait of utter destitution.

There was an assortment of cages. Cage one had a cat with one horribly disfigured eye into which some unidentified, hideous assailant at a beach bonfire beer bash had shoved a burning stick. The fact that he stammered and panted for everyone gave him the gasps of all spectators – and like the tourists to Alcatraz in San Francisco, the crowd somehow always had tickets.


Cage five was the most unbearable sight of all. To understand this cat’s situation, according to the story posted atop the cage, one had to go back one month to the inferno which consumed a single family home on Main Street – the little house with the humble, white picket fence and little bed of red tulips. The brave kitty had entered the horrifying blaze to catch the only remaining occupant of the home – SamPox, the family kitty.

Yes, to the delight of the children, the kitty was saved from the very tongue of torture that fateful day, but the brave cat emerged surrounded by the grasping flames of agony. Even his tail was burning like a blowtorch. He chased his tail uselessly, over and over, round and round, trying to reach the site of the fire, which only made the flames more violent and ferocious.

A vengeful pack of stray dogs made it worse, egging him on from the next yard.

“Keep running! You’re almost there!”

And here the poor feline stood now through the blurry eyes of major contributors: A naked twig on Medical Marijuana – the only pain killer he could obtain in unlimited quantities in this town with the crappy insurance he supposedly had.

Oh, the misery in this world! Oh, the godless and unthinkable future!

Feckless looked at the five cages and felt his eyes water…with happiness! He was making more loot than he ever imagined. Ha! When people feel guilt, they pay, and pay big.

Oh, the mountains of cash! God Bless America! God Bless Jimmy Stewart! It’s a wonderful life, indeed! -- end --

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Friday, October 30, 2009

NORTHWEST FLY GUYS SAY THEY WERE MISUNDERSTOOD: MEANT TO SAY "LAPDANCE," NOT "LAPTOP." FEATHERED WITNESS CORROBORATES STORY








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Thursday, October 29, 2009

Sub-Prime Pigeon Finds New San Francisco Victims




Photo by Creative Commons Attribution.


"There's no such thing as a bad neighborhood to Sub-Prime Pigeon. He can work anywhere, serve any community. We've got to keep working with him," said Pre-Approved Cat to Feckless Cat.

They were watching the criminal bird from a block off. What a fantastic, feathered friend to the poor!

Yes, as the sound of gunshots rang out, drug deals went on in plain sight, Sub-Prime Pigeon found the seed in need.

"Recession? What recession?" said Feckless. "Business is booming! They're just walking up to him with money! I love America!"


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Friday, October 23, 2009

PRE-APPROVED CAT TAKES LITTLE NAP AT SFO, GETS JOB OFFER FROM NORTHWEST AIRLINES







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Friday, October 16, 2009

Lie Lion Goes to Dinner in San Francisco




Lie Lion sat with his crowd of stunned admirers and fans at the Cat 'n Wealth Club on Market Street in San Francisco's Financial District.

"I love going to Masa's on Bush Street. Eating there is beyond good," said the lion.

"What could be worth those prices?" laughed Anvil the dog.

"Service, Anvil. Deer walked right up to my table after I ordered him. Mixed my Martini, too," said Lie Lion.

"Then you killed him and ate him, just like that? Right in front of everyone?" asked the incredulous Anvil.

"Sure. Chewed him up right there. Got a lot of job offers, too. Bunch of hedge fund guys there."

"Cool! Got any stock tips?" asked Anvil dog, panting big-time like the dummy dog he was and endeavored to be.

"Yes," said Lie Lion. "Open a Canadian bank account, like, yesterday," said the lion, licking his paw. "No, just kidding."

--30


Photos of cats available for adoption from SF SPCA site September 28, 2009.


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Sunday, September 27, 2009

CUT AND PASTE CATS HIRE NEW EXECUTIVES FOR BANK OF THE NEXT GUY IN SAN FRANCISCO





Cut and Paste Cats, international feline fraudsters wanted in several G-20 states for crimes of wealth, decided to hire some new executives for work at Bank of the Next Guy on Montgomery Street in San Francisco.

"We need cats who can say the right things in front of government and SEC committee investigators, Paste. Who do we have for the work?" asked Cut Cat.

"The best candidates in this city, Cut. You ready to meet the first? His name is D.K., which stands for DIDN'T KNOW."

"Not bad. Who are the next two for the work?"

"D.P., which stands for DIDN'T PLAN, and I.S.L., which stands for IT'S STILL LEGAL."

"Show 'em in," said Cut. The criminal mastermind loved Mondays. Things somehow always got started real fresh. The books would stay clean with cats like this on the job, thought Cut and Paste Cats.

--30--

by lurene gisee. Comment at lurenekathleen at yahoo dot com


Photos of cats available for adoption from SF SPCA site September 28, 2009.


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Thursday, September 24, 2009

FECKLESS AND PRE-APPROVED CATS ASSIST LIBYAN LEADER AT UNITED NATIONS







Feckless and Pre-Approved Cats, since they were already around New York for the upcoming G-20 meeting, decided to help their friends visiting the United Nations that week.

"Time to call our friends at that Bronx bar. You know, that place Gadhafy likes so much. Real popular with the illegal cross-dressers," said Pre-Approved Cat.

"At least the United Nations can show him a good time if he slips off topic," yawned Feckless. "He can get his nails done real cheap in that neighborhood."

--30--






Friday, September 4, 2009

LEGENDARY CRIME CAT'S EVIL WORDS: "JUST THINKING OF HOW RICH AND GOOD-LOOKING I AM....HOW 'BOUT WE RIP OFF ANOTHER COUPLE MILLION..."







Feckless and Pre-Approved Cats were waking up with the sun Friday morning on Market Street. Feckless Cat stretched lazily and delicately licked his right paw.

"What's up today?" asked Pre-Approved Cat, laying on his side, yawning. "You seem so pleased with yourself this morning."

"Just thinking of how rich and good-looking I am. How there's always work for cats like us. How about we rip off another couple million dollars this afternoon?" said Feckless.

"Sure. We keep getting away with it," said Pre-Approved. "Still got our bonus coming, too. Real big. I must admit, I still don't get it. We rip Bank of the Next Guy off over and over again. Bonuses bigger every year."

"Don't get too comfy. It won't go on forever," said Feckless.

"Yeah. I know. But there's always government work," said Pre-Approved. "Pay's not as good, but we're sure qualified."

"We are," said Feckless.

--30--

by lurene gisee
September 4, 2009


1st photo Sept. 2009 from SF SPCA site, cat adoption room, 2nd photo unidentified cat sleeping on the job.






Saturday, August 22, 2009

ANVIL DOG PLAYS "FETCH" WITH TASTY SUB-PRIME BONE AT GOLDEN GATE PARK




"Get it, boy! Get it now! Good boy, Anvil!" said Pre-Approved Cat with excitement.

"What did you throw for Anvil?" asked Feckless Cat.

"A Sub-Prime Bone. Fool mutt fetched bundles of 'em last week. Should'a seen 'im," said Pre-Approved Cat.

--30--

[photo of dog up for adoption at SF SPCA]


lurene gisee
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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

CUT AND PASTE CATS STEAL A QUIET MOMENT IN GOLDEN GATE PARK






Cut the Cat, International Feline Fraudster wanted in several European countries for altering financial documents, was finally able to enjoy a quiet picnic in Golden Gate Park with her husband, Paste the Cat.

She unfurled the light, clean picnic blanket to the gentle breeze. She watched the white cloth drift down on the peaceful, purring, furred body of her lying, criminal husband.

Yes, they'd ripped off billions. But they were still cats. Time for a little nap.

"Ah, Paste, sweetheart. The heavenly look of that light sheath over your groomed body. So silent. So undisturbing."

"Indeed. I love picnics, the rich smell of grills burning in the near distance. Reminds me of time we cooked all those books in New York's Central Park," Paste whispered.

"Yeah," said Cut. "The look of couples walking past us in love, not suspecting a thing, taking all the blame later. Wonderful people, weren't they? I loved New York."

-- end --

lurene gisee
August 19, 2009

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Sunday, August 9, 2009

FECKLESS AND PRE-APPROVED CATS COUNT STOLEN CURRENCY AT FISHERMAN'S WHARF WITH UNDERWORLD FRIENDS



Feckless and Pre-Approved Cats, international felines of fraud wanted in several European countries for their various phishing schemes, were counting stolen profits.

A Pier 39 sea lion hauled himself on a plank of wood near the fraudsters. The homeless marine blob looked at the criminal cats squarely.

"GET A JOB," yelled Feckless.

-- Aug. 9, 2009 --

by lurene gisee
2004 photo by procktheboat on flickr







Wednesday, July 8, 2009

CUT AND PASTE FIND NEW VENUE IN BAY AREA FOR PHONY LOAN ADVERTISEMENTS




Feline fraudsters Cut and Paste Cats needed advertising in the San Francisco Bay Area. Papers that would print anything. How else would they advertise all those phony stocks and bonds for shell companies?

"We need a newspaper that has gullible editors. Let's face it, some of these stocks are hard to sell in New York," said Cut Cat.

"What?" asked Paste Cat.

"Hamas Time Shares Paradise? Gaza Gardens Calamity Coverage? Community Bank of Bin Laden? Who would get mixed up with this trash?" asked Cut Cat. "Last time I saw these companies was in one of those airport vending machines in Chicago. You know, those easy lever boxes real close to the news racks and 'condom convenience centers'?"

"Berkeley Daily Planet," said Paste Cat. "They have to run 'em. Fools bought a bunch of the stock last week in New Jersey."

"Oh, okay," said Cut.

--30--

by lurene gisee
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ANVIL THE DOG GETS NEW JOB IN LOS ANGELES




Cut and Paste, lying, scheming felines who were experts at making up identities, falsifying loan documents and spreading phony news in the world's stock markets, were worried.

"Our guy Anvil Dog might start turning down our jobs," said Cut. "He says he found better pay."

"Better pay? Who would hire that thieving dog?" asked Paste.

"The State of California. They say they need applicants who know how to beg," said Cut Cat. "Someone voters can trust."

--30--

by Lurene Gisee
360-752-6581
July 8, 2009

[Dog pictured is up for adoption at SF SPCA]

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Wednesday, July 1, 2009

FECKLESS AND PRE-APPROVED CATS DISCUSS PUBLIC FINANCE ON MARKET STREET





"The only thing I couldn't stand while filing more phony papers over at San Francisco's City Hall this morning was all those tastefully-dressed bums. What's with these people? When's this city going to get serious about panhandling?" said Pre-Approved Cat, the furred fraudster wanted by the FBI and multiple foreign governments for his feline financial crimes.

"They are serious, Pre-Approved! City staff didn't know how to beg until June 30, 2009. They're calling all the long-time beggars 'colleagues' now!" said Feckless. #

by lurene gisee
July 1, 2009
cut and paste link to window to hear siren on YouTube below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOjo2XyWw_M






Sunday, June 14, 2009

FECKLESS AND PRE-APPROVED PONDER ETHICS IN SAN FRANCISCO





Feckless the Cat, a known feline scammer, was counting stolen money one day with his partner in crime, Pre-Approved Cat.

"It just seems unethical to me, Feckless. We're using poor, elderly cats to get our claws on stocks, bonds, real estate holdings and bank accounts. It just seems wrong. I have nightmares about those poor, aged victims," said Pre-Approved.

"Okay, you've got a point. Let's rip off kittens," said Feckless.

"Yeah," said Pre-Approved. "Let's do the right thing."

--30--

(Friendly cat shown above is up for adoption at SF SPCA)
by lurene gisee
(360) 752-6581
June 14, 2009
Shopping for a domain name that speaks to the times? Buy:

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Thursday, June 11, 2009

PRE-APPROVED CAT REMEMBERS GOOD OLD DAYS IN SAN FRANCISCO







"You were teasing me just last week about using the Transamerica Pyramid as a scratchpad, Pre-Approved. You said I was remembering past days, wasting time licking myself for theft of the all world's greats. But where do I find you today? At the old Pacific Coast Stock Exchange on Pine going over the old days! What's here for you? The money's fled."

"Memories of my first big swipe, Feckless; action. I was clawing cash before it was even illegal. By the time they figured I was there on the floor, they shut down the whole place," said Pre-Approved Cat, the city's most talented financial swindler.

"I know we don't need the old floor anymore," said Pre-Approved. "I just like looking at the old screens, hearing my name," said the cat. "Getting flipped off by the greats of 1997 again! They had to get through me first and they knew it!"

Pre-Approved licked his fur and stood straight again with pride.

"I heard it all on that floor. 'THE MEEK MAY INHERIT THE EARTH, BUT YOU'RE SURE PAYING THEIR INTEREST...' Ha ha ha. Who's laughing now," Pre-Approved said with a self-satisfied cat grin.

"They're gone. Who's left now? Me, me, me!! Me and You, Feckless and Pre-Approved!"

Copy and Paste this below to watch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciaSQgWDDD0









by lurene gisee
Nov. 2008 photo old Pacific Stock Exchange bldg., 301 Pine, SF, Wikipedia
photo of kitty for adoption by SF SPCA
Video of Pine St. trading floor of 1997 from You Tube above to copy, paste and view

Monday, June 1, 2009

FECKLESS EXERCISES STOCK OPTIONS AT TRANSAMERICA PYRAMID IN SAN FRANCISCO




Feckless the Cat always knew how to scheme stocks and launder cash, but other tricks of San Francisco's Financial District were in his claws alone.

"Stock options, stock options," said Feckless Cat, using the TransAmerica Pyramid as a scratch pad.

Men in business suits walked into the building, but Feckless Cat ignored them.

"I don't know what these other guys on Montgomery Street are doing. Wasting money, if you ask me," said Feckless.

June 1, 2009
by Lurene Gisee
photo of Transamerica Pyramid in SF from Transamerica website

Thursday, May 28, 2009

CUT AND PASTE CATS MEET "NO MONEY DOWN" IN SAN FRANCISCO







Cut the Cat, loving wife of Paste the Cat, thought she was secure in her relationship. It's not that they genuinely loved one another -- each loathed the other -- but they acted the part and ripped off millions from unsuspecting victims. Why claw good profits?

One day, Cut and Paste Cats were behind an abandoned building South of Market in San Francisco. Nothing special. Just reworking a few mortgage contracts to their benefit.

Cut lifted her head. She heard delicate paws walking.

A gray, sneaky-looking cat now stood before them. The cat was female.

"Hi," she purred, looking at Paste. "They call me No Money Down. Need a lift with your finances, Cat-ee Pie?"

Paste stood transfixed at his new opportunity's shining fur.

Cut stood helpless, insulted. She'd never understood the word "Interest Rate" until now in this dirty, shame-filled back alley of San Francisco.

by lurene gisee
cat up for adoption on Craig's List, May 28, 2009

PRE-APPROVED CAT REMEMBERS SIMPLER TIMES FOR CAT CROOKS OF SAN FRANCISCO





Feckless and Pre-Approved set themselves down to rest in their favorite dark alley in San Francisco's Financial District.

"Why are you so quiet tonight, Pre-Approved?" Feckless the Cat asked.

"Just remembering simpler times for thieves like us. In better days, if I wanted to steal a toy or a wallet, it was just a matter of clawing it over. Now, to make a profit, I have to scam insurance, take options, view futures tables, have some kind of credit or have false ID of someone who does, understand currencies around the world, bank security cameras....I...I don't know, Feckless. I liked being a regular, corrupt cat before...."

Feckless licked his right paw. "Yeah, but it's a minimum wage job now. Times have changed, but some things are same ol'. There's only one eternal rule of robbery, Pre-Approved: RUN FAST WHEN IT GETS TOO GOOD."

by lurene gisee
photo from SFSPCA Pet adoptions for May 2009

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

CUT AND PASTE CATS PAY ONLY TAX IN STATE AFTER VOTE





Cut and her husband Paste, both Criminal Cats, roamed Van Ness late one evening looking for new opportunities. They needed to launder their counterfeit cash.

Paste stopped with a jerk. “Look! There’s a sports bar with all kinds of smokers at the door. Let’s go in,” he said to his wife.

“What?” said Cut. “I thought we were going to find a couple drug dealers near City Hall?”

“No, no, no! After that last election, gambling, smoking and beer are the only tax revenue California can count on!” said Paste. “Drugs are illegal!”

Thursday, May 14, 2009

FECKLESS THE CAT MEETS DROSS, SPOKE AND BLUDGE IN SACRAMENTO






Feckless and Pre-Approved, the thieving cats, were at the 24-hour money laundry in downtown Sacramento, California. It was a nice, quiet, well-run shack in the shade.

They were there to sanitize currencies they ripped off in Europe. It was something they knew like the back of their scheming paws, Anvil the dog sometimes said between happy canine pants.

Pre-Approved Cat stepped up to the counter. Hot Air Hamster was working the desk today.

"Hey, Hot Air! I think we'll start with these hundreds and thousands from France. Let's clean them up, get a couple hundred thousand American bills, okay? Oh, and throw in a few forged municipal bonds and fancy hotel receipts from Los Angeles, will ya?"

"No problem, Pre-Approved. We've got a couple new contractors in today for the work. Dross, Spoke and Bludge Cats are here. They tend to like working Sacramento and Washington D.C., you know. Work picks up around mid-April, I guess. Especially for Bludge," said Hot Air Hamster, counting a pile of thousands. "Sure you wouldn't like some Mexican Pesos with that?"

Feckless the Cat stepped up aside Pre-Approved.

"Maybe next week, Hot Air. That flu bug's got security at the border. Real cops this time," said the cat.

"Oh, I forgot about that. Okay, dollars it is, then. Need some offshore receipts so you can pretend to have paid for things, couple foreclosed homes or something?"

"Yeah, okay. I heard about some cat food conglomerate meeting in the Cayman Islands last week," said Feckless, PUTTING his usual web of lies to market.

"Hey Dross," yelled Hot Air. "Fetch Spoke and Bludge Cats. Got customers!"

Dross and Bludge Cats jumped off their ledges in the back room to approach the counter. There was a silence as they all waited for the last, criminal cat.

"Hold on, hold on. I'm coming," said Spoke, trotting up to the kitty coven of fraud, out of breath. "Been a busy week in Sacramento for me."

"I know, Spoke. You're one of the busiest cats in California," said Bludge. "Nothing works without you standing there."

"You neither, Bludge. Okay, need a couple of phony cop outfits thrown in with that today, Feckless?" asked Dross. "We've got 'em half-off on Wall Street. We're extending the offer another few weeks for Sacramento. California Special. They're hot as, like, illegal weapons in Oakland."

Feckless paused, looking at Pre-Approved. Pre-Approved closed his eyes and swept his elegant, criminal tail over the floor. Feckless turned his head back to Dross the Cat, Hot Air Hamster, and nodded.

"Sure, why not? Phony cop outfits're like passports," said Pre-Approved. "But let's move on this, huh? We need to be back in San Francisco by dinnertime."

-- end --

May 14, 2009
lurene gisee (360) 752-6581
www.blackholeeconomics.com