Friday, December 28, 2012

FECKLESS CAT'S NEW FISCAL CLIFF FAMILY FUN PARKS IN BELLINGHAM AND SEATTLE



Yes, with Washington state's voters approving new marijuana laws, Feckless the Criminal Cat was happy. Why? [Start theme song here...]

Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhSYbRiYwTY

The intoxicating weed was still against federal law, so Evergreen State dope dealers could not simply set up shop and then open a bank account for their profits. The dealers had to figure a way to launder their considerable cannabis capo capital.

But help was now here. Feckless Cat -- criminal cat wanted in 35 states for identity theft, insider trading and fraud -- decided to give all his rain-soaked friends a helping paw. The key was to "help sick kids" by setting up an amusement park or two to launder that cash, and then -- brilliantly -- make even more cash by "shorting" the American Fiscal Cliff and Debt Ceiling Funds Fiasco. He wrote his plan down in his secret book:

BELLINGHAM'S FISCAL CLIFF FUN PARK


* All Chinese Citizens: FREE ADMISSION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!

* Fast n' East Swimming Lessons for Grandma....

Note: People called it the "Evergreen State," but for Feckless Cat, the motto had more than one meaning.

Here were the theme park's attractions, still on the drawing board:

-- Feckless Film Room. Night of the Living Dead 2013. In this remake, the black guy comes back to life as a gay zombie, marries another gay zombie in Seattle, and spends rest of film exploring the wonders of zombie dope.

-- World's Worst Prisons Tunnel Ride for those who wondered about the life awaiting most of the world's other mafia-loving mugs:...Diyarbakir Prison in Turkey, where thousands of teens are now political prisoners... Evin Prison in Iran, where most die fast but you can watch the live action...Mendoza Prison in Argentina, Torture, Overcrowding. See now why San Francisco's Alcatraz was considered a luxury hotel in some parts of the world in 1932 and still draws thousands of tourists each year... LaSante Prison in Southwest Paris, revisit the French Criminal Justice system of 1867. See our re-enactments of public executions with guillotines on the streets of Paris as pedestrians passed by laughing....Black Beach Prison In Milabo, Equatorial Guinea, considered Africa's worst prison. Inmates are starved, shackled and tortured...Tadmor Military Prison in Syria where medievil methods of torture are still used...Carandiru Penitentiary in Brazil, If you have surgery, forget the anaesthetics...La Sabeneta Prison, Venezuela, where there is one corrupt guard for each 150 inmates...Nairobi Prison in Kenya, where inmates serve their time butt-naked and catch illnesses for which there is no known treatment....More, more, more fun than you ever knew you could have between state and federal law enforcement!! To gain entrance, you use legitimate currency, counterfeit concert tickets or stolen passports, then get your change at exit gate, if you ever reach it.

-- See Feckless Magic Shows featuring all our favorite lawmakers. Added bonus: See the biggest reality show in history as America runs clean out of cash! Learn the history of economics while re-creating the Vaulted Debt Ceilings so popular and pretty in early 1929 America!

-- Greased debt slides for kids and legislators. At bottom, they have loads of fun cleaning Chinese toilets at minimum wage, thus pay their way out for real this time. No bothersome debt ceilings here. For the first time in your life, get the relief you need in every way medically and fiscally imaginable.

-- Feckless Ferris Wheel. No entrance fee. Rider pays with everyday U.S. currency, money orders or high-end gift cards at our wheel's top which is 500-feet high. At our heavily-guarded exit gate, you get our -- which is now your -- crisp, clean cash back from our park cashiers.

-- See the Future!! See the next era's American I.R.S. run by Crips, Bloods and a variety of Mexico's most bloodthirsty drug dealers.

-- Visit the Feckless Park Store and find items you never knew existed at discounts that will stun the world. Machine guns for Detroit's mentally-disabled parolees, 50 percent off this week only....Meditation tents for Impending Train Wreck Fans...Sleeping Pills for the Dead. Get them before it's too late...Bumper stickers for the Undocumented: WAIT! I'LL PAY!!...Currency Corner where you can get the new Feckless Franc, designed like American currency, at that day's accurate exchange rates...

EDITING IN PROGRESS....
Jan 21, 2013 3:02 p.m.

by Lurene Gisee
lurenexyz@gmail.com
360-656-6838

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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

SUB-PRIME PIGEON BREAKS NEWS TO WHITE HOUSE TURKEYS


Sub-Prime Pigeon made his way past White House Security to tell 2012's Turkeys the bad news.

"Turkey Joe, you will be pardoned by President Barak Obama, but serve the rest of your life in prison." Joe shrugged his feathers.

"Better news than what Billy Turkey gets," he mumbled.

Sub-Prime Pigeon used his tone of sympathy now. "Billy, you will be unable to continue your life as an American Turkey. This Friday, you will wake up as a Twinkie on a negotiation table in Jerusalem. I am sorry."
--30--

by Lurene Gisee
lurenekathleen@yahoo.com
Nov. 21, 2012


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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

FECKLESS PEACE PLAN CELEBRATES 64 YEARS OF RESULTS IN ISRAEL





by Lurene Gisee
lurenekathleen@yahoo.com
Nov. 20, 2012


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Thursday, November 15, 2012

OBAMA BLAMES RECENT CIA, FBI SCANDALS ON BUSH AND...





Feckless Cat, talking over the day's headlines with his criminal partner, Pre-Approved Cat, slowly swayed his tail as he read the morning's headlines in paper.

"U.S. President Obama blames whole affair mess at the agencies on last administration, George Bush one, George Washington, San Francisco horses that survived quake of 1906, Israeli leader Netanyahu, White House 'Pinko' dog, Mexican drug lords..."

"I can't believe this whole scandal, Feckless," said Pre-Approved Cat, making bread on the bed.

"Yeah. He left us out completely. Everyone knows we set this whole thing up from the get-go," answered Feckless.


by Lurene Gisee
lurenexyz@gmail.com
360-656-6838
Nov. 15, 2012


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Wednesday, November 7, 2012

WASHINGTON STATE PUTS THE RECREATION IN MARIJUANA FOR THE HOLIDAYS




Visit Feckless Cat Travel Agency in Seattle Today for these New Recreational Marijuana Washington Weekend Specials:

-- Roll Your Own Snowskis Packages just $499.09 while supplies last.

-- Mt. Baker Bud Christmas Trees for More Family Fun than Ever! Sales Start December 3, 2012

-- Come to Bellingham where Santa's Always Stoned on Christmas Eve.

-- Dick's Dancing Dope Festival this Thanksgiving, Tacoma.

-- Space Needle's Brilliant Bong Bash this New Year's Eve. Let's Get Dizzy, Dude!


by Lurene Gisee
November 7, 2012

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Monday, November 5, 2012

SEA LIONS FROM CUBA HELP THE VOTE IN FLORIDA WITH MEDICAL MARIJUANA TRUCK





HEADLINE: SEA LIONS FROM NEW YORK, CUBA AND SAN FRANCISCO OPEN MEDICAL MARIJUANA TRUCKS NEAR STATUE OF LIBERTY, MOSCONE CENTER IN SAN FRANCISCO IN EFFORT TO HELP WITH U.S. VOTING

Calling themselves America's New Patriots, the criminal sea lions and sharks -- promising to calm fears created by wind storms and earthquakes on America's East Coast states -- set up Medical Marijuana trucks near the voting booths in multiple swing states for the Presidential Election of 2012.

In New York City, a few cops approached the Medical Marijuana truck parked by the Statue of Liberty, but lost interest before they came within 12 feet of the truck. The truck played both ice cream truck tunes for kids, and patriotic songs for voters.

Loan Shark was insulted at what he considered disrespectful treatment of New York's police.

"Hey! My brother swam all the way from Cuba to help with this election, stop the chaos in Florida, stand up for capitalism. You cops could have at least stopped by to question us," said Loan. "Hey, Card!! I need your help with these lazy cops."

"Forget them, Loan. They have other things to do today in New York City," said Card Shark

"COMMUNISTS!" yelled Loan Shark as the cops walked away. "CRUMMY COMMUNIST COPS!"

by Lurene Gisee
lurenekathleen@yahoo.com
Nov. 5, 2012 - Election Day, Nov. 6, 2012
posted 5:16 p.m. Monday

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Saturday, October 27, 2012

THE ART OF THE DEAL: NEGOTIATE YOUR VIRGINITY WITH EXPERTS !



"No reasonable offer turned down," read Feckless Criminal Cat's advertisement. (360) 656-6838. Act Now!"

American animal shelters were "overjoyed," newspapers reported. The fun was just starting. Next headlines:

FECKLESS CAT COMPLETES FIRST DEAL IN NEW YORK'S FINEST FINANCIAL DISTRICT HOTEL

Feckless Cat -- criminal and opportunist wanted in 42 states and 36 nations -- stepped out of his posh hotel room, having completed his work, collected payment.

"I would have paid him $900,000," bragged Donald Trump, adjusting his tie.

"I would have done it for $14.99'," said Feckless, licking his fur.



by Lurene Gisee
Oct. 27, 2017


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Sunday, October 21, 2012

CUT AND PASTE CATS SELL HUGE BAGGIES FOR ART THIEVES OF EUROPE SAT, SUN



Fresh, clean, super-big baggies for stolen art on sale Monday. Act fast. Just $399.99 each while supplies last.

Cut and Paste Cats, (360) 752-6581, in Walla Walla or Whatever.

-- end --


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Friday, October 19, 2012

LIBERAL CANDIDATE PASSES BY BELLINGHAM BAR




Liberal candidate walks into downtown Bellingham bar. The election was just days away now.

Bartender asked, "Hi Congressman. What could you possibly want here at a time like this?"

"A passing grade," he answered.

-- end --
by lurene gisee
October 19, 2012
lurenekathleen at yahoo dot com



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Monday, September 3, 2012

FECKLESS CAT AND ALL HIS CRIMINAL FRIENDS WORK DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION



Nearby the Democratic Convention headquarters, workers busily prepared for the September 4, 2012 mob of expected delegates, politicians, and candidates in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Included in that mob would be Feckless Cat, Pre-Approved Cat, Anvil Dog, Cut and Paste Cats, Hot Air Hamster, Slip and Fall Seal, Loan Shark and Oil Spill Cat.

"I don't know why we always get stuck with this job, Feckless. Money is the root of all filth in America today," said Anvil Dog, handing Feckless Cat another couple thousand bucks.

"Sure it's filthy, Anvil. But so is most underwear at the end of the day. That's why we need to launder it at big political events like this," said Feckless, dumping a pile of currency into the wash.

Hot Air Hamster crept over to Feckless, pulled a few quarters out of his pouch. "Here. You're going to need these to keep things going in Charlotte."

Cat and Paste cats worked near the dryers. Loan Shark wanted to fold this year, but even Oil Spill Cat had to get involved with that matter.

"Nobody trusts you to fold that cash, Loan Shark. You're a Republican if I ever saw one," said Oil Spill.

"At least I turn up so everyone can see me, 'Shark. The only buildings you'll work are already under water, 'Shark."

"Hey, at least I know these folks down South. More than I can say for you," replied Loan Shark. "When I come near the area, people know just where I stand: Right in their own neighborhoods."

-- end --
by Lurene Gisee
lurenekathleen at yahoo


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Monday, August 13, 2012

COPYCAT FECKLESS COMPETES WITH KELLOGG; MARKETS NEW CEREAL, DESIGNS BOX FOR "FECKLESS FLAKES: BREAKFAST OF LOSERS"

"What's this latest scam, Feckless Cat?" asked Pre-Approved Cat, both internationally wanted financial criminals for inside trading, stock scams and identity theft. "Why the photo for our new cereal box of grandma being led toward cliff?"

"Because we want the world's kids who couldn't cut it to realize there's a whole new world for them after the Olympics and a breakfast cereal just for them. Our new flakes are for kids not only leading grandma to the cliff, but for puppies that knock on the wrong doors and dead people who bought the wrong plot," said Feckless.

"Kellogg's is leaving the world's future prison residents untapped. Hey! Take it from me! They have money!"

(All photos but the first are from Aug. 13, 2012 Los Angeles Times, reader photos in Strange but True section. First photo from online photo site Fotosearch.) Lurene Gisee lurenekathleen@yahoo.com


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