Tuesday, May 4, 2010
CHEF PASTE PERFORMS CULINARY MIRACLES IN NEW YORK CITY
The fragrant aroma of Cajun spices, stewing tomatoes and extra-strength toilet bowl deodorizer filled the Manhattan penthouse kitchen where Feckless the criminal cat worked alongside a relaxed, beefy Paste the Cat.
Cut the Cat, Paste’s delicate, thieving wife, napped on the counter.
All the cats were committed criminals wanted in 38 U.S. states for identity theft, counterfeiting, bank fraud, money laundering, insider trading and international tax evasion, but all that didn’t matter at the moment.
Today, they were literally cooking up new schemes. They would not dirty their brilliant paws with street crime today.
“Will you cut up those Collateralized Debt Obligations, Sweetheart,” purred Paste sweetly to Cut, his long-time thug spouse.
“Sure, got plenty of them,” said Cut, yawning.
“We’re going to mix them up with a few foreclosed homes and derivatives. All goes together in taste,” said Paste, stirring the ingredients.
“Won’t the Collateralized Debts overpower other flavors?” asked Feckless. "They're all such exclusive ingredients."
“Oh, no. Blended and stir-fried, then mixed with this fine sauce, it’s a delicious Chicken Casserole,” said Paste. “Could you hand me that container?”
Cut passed a container labeled “BP Brand Sea Turtle Sauce” to Paste. Paste sprinkled the heavy, salted Gulf of Mexico crude oil into the mix.
The aroma filled the room.
“So glad the UN is letting us contribute our efforts to world peace. Gives us a chance to take a break from our usual work, get with the right people,” said Feckless. “Our Iranian guests just love this stuff. I mean, New Yorkers can be so rude to Islamic radicals sometimes, you know? I mean, they’re our guests!”
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