Thursday, April 16, 2009
REVERSE MORTGAGE AT BANK OF THE NEXT GUY WITH HOT AIR HAMSTER
Hot Air Hamster, the elderly loan officer, was a noted specialist in small print. He put his small glasses over his brown, hamster fur.
In his San Francisco office alongside him was Feckless Cat, Pre-Approved Cat, Cut Cat, Paste Cat and Anvil the Dog. Hot Air Hamster would now read the large and small print of the loan document for customer Anvil Dog, the unknowing financial victim.
The large print was the friendly part of the loan document, of course. Very easy to understand for all in the room. Even Anvil, who had an I.Q. of "1," if that even.
WELCOME TO BANK OF THE NEXT GUY. HERE IS A SUMMARY FOR YOU, OUR VALUED CUSTOMER, OF YOUR NEW FINANCIAL PRODUCT.....
When you sign this document, you will owe the international financial community a large amount of money for several hundred decades. That means you, your kids, their kids, all their illegitimate kids, those kids, their dogs, and the great, great grandkids of all their dumb kids. That is not just for this loan, either. Oh, no! Consider the interest included not only with today's loan you will use to buy that beat-up slum shack in town, but the echo of debts which will be created by your signature that is about to be scribbled here today by your pathetic paw, including, but not limited to, the faint sound of millions of fees, derivatives, Ponzi schemes, dark pools, hedge funds, insurance contracts and reinsurance contracts for and by foreign firms you've never heard of and may not even exist according to this assigned debtor, but may claim to exist, speciously, on documents written in foreign languages which do not include English, French, German, Italian, Russian, Hindu, Hebrew, Spanish, and/or Arabic after some time last week, but not before February 15, 1635. Additionally, in the case of an unforseen fire, flood, act of God, hurricane, tornado, landslide, riot, famine, mudslide, botched election, series of elections or alleged botched elections in Madagascar, or uninsured magnitude 2.1 earthquake in Los Angeles, you will STILL pay and pay and pay and pay and.....
SO, WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME TODAY. YOU'RE A GOOD DOG. WE LOVE YOU.
SIGN HERE: x_______________________
-- END --
by lurene gisee April 16, 2009