Tuesday, June 21, 2011


Anvil Dog, who had an IQ of 1, if that even, decided to accept the Seattle School District's job offer and teach math to the city's 5th grade kids. He wanted a post as English teacher, but administrators wisely concluded he was obviously better at math than English; Anvil kept bragging that he was qualified because knew how to pronounce "ruff, ruff" in Russian.

Here were some of his problems that would be on blackboard for first day of class:

Q: If Ms. Jones makes $1,400 per week teaching American history, Mr. Smith makes twice that amount per week teaching art, and Mrs. Carter makes three times the sum Ms. Jones earns, but only twice weekly, how much did Seattle's School District pay their attorneys last May?

Q: If the Seattle lumber mill cut one tree into 4 sections of equal length, and that tree was 20 feet long, how much money did Ms. Jones deposit in her bank account last Wednesday, and on which of the Cayman Islands?

This question for our top math students:

Q: If Mr. Smith makes $40 per hour as a physics and inside trading instructor, what does he get per hour after Seattle contract negotiations if 7,956 toothpicks were divided by .694 cans of beer in Fargo, North Dakota in January of 2004 after he buys a lot of stock for phony cat food companies in Mexico?

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