Monday, March 23, 2009
FECKLESS AND PRE-APPROVED ROB BANK OF THE NEXT GUY
The criminal cats, Feckless and Pre Approved, showed up the next day at Bank of the Next Guy. They knocked on the door. Manager opened, Bingo the Bank Officer, a shark.
Feckless the cat paused to look at the finned financier for a brief few seconds. A weird, new mix of fear and hunger hit him for a brief instant.
“And who am I speaking with today?” asked Bingo.
“I’m Feckless. This is Pre-Approved. We have good credit. We’re accepted around the world in every currency, even by brokers who pretend to exist, have phony jobs and dream up residential addresses…Oh, I’m sorry! How rude of me! I forgot to ask your name.”
“Bingo,” he said, pointing his right fin to the slimy chairs in the room. “Been with the bank for about two years.”
“We were wondering if we could catch…..uh, I mean….apply for a small loan today.”
“You realize we’ll need to see a history of transparent accounting associated with your name?”
“What do you mean by that?” said Feckless. “Transparent’s a tricky word.”
“Yeah,” said Pre-Approved, jumping on Bingo’s desk. “Cow snot's transparent. Doesn’t mean I'll use it for I.D.”
“Pre-Approved, let’s be careful about this," said Bingo soothingly. "Loans have to be repaid…...by someone…...eventually…...and...”
Feckless pulled a gun on Bingo. The shocked shark raised his fins in fear behind the S-shaped fluorescent office light he’d just had installed for $2,346,876.98 with just 2.34% of the janitor’s yearly bonus through a foreign contractor.
“What is this?” cried Bingo.
Pre-Approved let out a quick laugh at first – he didn’t know whether to rob Bingo or hire him -- but then got a sinister tone.
“I call it consumer confidence. Open that naively unlocked vault, Bingo,” said Feckless. “Pretty soon, you’re gonna see our faces on every form of currency in the world!”
-- end --
by lurene gisee, march 23 2009