FECKLESS CAT'S TWIN SISTER, CLUELESS CAT, RETURNS FROM "PROMISED LAND" MAD, BROKE AND LAUGHING STOCK OF SF

Photo by Howard Ford

FECKLESS CAT AND CRIMINAL FRIENDS INTRODUCE NEW CAT FOODS

Feckless and Pre-Approved Cats, wanted in 26 states for currency fraud and retail theft, decided to manufacture a new brand of canned cat food. Named D.C. CAT, it was supposed to be suited for today's modern cat, whatever his family's income. It appeared on New York store shelves May 16, 2011.

"What's the first variety, Pre-Approved? The one for wealthier felines?" asked Feckless, licking his right paw.

"Savory Salmon Blend," answered Pre-Approved Cat. "Ingredients of fresh, Washington State salmon, vitamins, and fur-enhancing cremes from Northern Europe."

"How about the slightly cheaper variety?"

"Yummy sardines, chicken, canola oils."

"What about the cheap stuff? I am not sure it will sell in some markets," Feckless remarked bluntly.

"Doesn't matter if it will sell. It's gonna be only choice for a lot of cats next week. Ingredients in Chinese for this one. Label reads, 'At this price, your guess as good as mine.'"

"Who buys this crap?" asked Feckless. "What's D.C. CAT stand for?"

"DEBT CEILING CAT. Getting real popular with Democrats right off," answered Pre-Approved.

FECKLESS CAT, CUT CAT AND PASTE CAT ENJOY DINNER WITH HOT AIR HAMSTER

Hot Air Hamster, wanted in 68 countries for insider trading, decided to use some of his loot one evening to treat his criminal cat friends to a nice dinner in San Francisco's Financial District.

"This is so thoughtful of you, Hot Air," said Cut the Cat. "Even though we all have plenty of cash through our illegal schemes, it's thoughtful of you to spare a couple of bucks for our sakes."

"I presume you're discussing the deer we're eating tonight," said Hot Air. "American money isn't worth the effort of theft anymore, far as I'm concerned."

FECKLESS CAT RELEASES SYRIAN ELECTION RESULTS IN LARGE PRINT FORMAT

Feckless Cat decided to contribute to the stability of various Mideast countries by manufacturing large-type election results that most people at the United Nations could read.

Now, SYRIAN strongmen like Assad could see results of recent elections on convenient flash cards like these provided by the region's familiar thugs:

YOU LOST

GET A REAL-ASS JOB

DESPOTISM IS NO LONGER YOUR OCCUPATION

GO HOME TO YOUR PATHETIC WIFE AND KIDS BEFORE THEY'RE MURDERED

IMPROVE YOUR FRENCH, ASSHOLE

PRISON IS COOL

GO ON NOW; FIRING SQUADS WAY LESS PAINFUL THEN THEY WERE IN 1985 FOR YOUR DAD'S VICTIMS

FECKLESS CAT STARTS WORRYING ABOUT TAXES....LIKE, YOURS

Feckless the Cat, wanted in 41 states for electoral fraud and money laundering, decided it would soon be time to do his phony taxes. That is, everyone's taxes before it was too late.

Pre-Approved Cat, his loyal companion in crime, asked Feckless what time it was.

"It's 57 days until April 15, 2011," said Feckless Cat. "We need victims. Who knows what this next budget will be about? We don't want the government getting to them first."

Need help with taxes? Schedule an interview today! Just donate $98 to Feckless Cat with convenient icon below:

FECKLESS CAT MAKES NEW RESUME FOR 2011

Feckless the Cat, wanted in 46 states for insider trading and aggressive panhandling, decided it was time to update his resume.

FECKLESS THE CAT
P.O. BOX 1234567-ABC
(360) 752-6581
http://www.hulu.com/watch/184551/lassie-1954-the-cat-that-came-to-dinner#s-p3-so-i0

I am a good kitty. I have multiple references and a rich job history:

- I am motivated by money, money and more money.

- Any currency will do so long as it's printed in Washington D.C., Mexico City, or at that well-known pawn shop somewhere off the coast of Somalia.

- Hundreds of references, most of whom say they wish to remain unnamed because they are important, wealthy and totally honest capitalists.

- Experienced multi-tasker; I count money, plan schemes, carry out semi-legitimate financial transactions and alter international "documents" all while sleeping in the comfort of your luxury hotel room in Paris. Complete privacy guaranteed.

- To schedule an interview, just donate $98 with convenient icon below:

FECKLESS OFFERS LIFE INSURANCE POLICY TO NOVEMBER TURKEYS

"What's up with this new insurance plan for America's turkeys, Feckless?" asked Pre-Approved Cat, wanted in 36 states for inside trading and financial fraud.

"Right at noon on Thanksgiving Day, I approach all the turkeys that did not get a pardon and offer them a cool life insurance plan. There are only one or two conditions," said Feckless Cat, wanted in 14 countries for money laundering.

"What requirements?" asked a confused Pre-Approved Cat.

"One, they are able to name me, Feckless the Cat, as a beneficiary in the very unlikely case they do not live to collect; two, they are residents of a USDA-approved poultry farm; three, they do not produce a birth certificate and do not try to collect until after November of 2056. No premium if they sign up today by noon, either."

"Oh, okay. Seems fair and square. Good contract, Feckless. Very humane."

Donate $5 or more today to keep these blogs going: