PRE-APPROVED CAT REMEMBERS SIMPLER TIMES FOR CAT CROOKS OF SAN FRANCISCO

Feckless and Pre-Approved set themselves down to rest in their favorite dark alley in San Francisco's Financial District.

"Why are you so quiet tonight, Pre-Approved?" Feckless the Cat asked.

"Just remembering simpler times for thieves like us. In better days, if I wanted to steal a toy or a wallet, it was just a matter of clawing it over. Now, to make a profit, I have to scam insurance, take options, view futures tables, have some kind of credit or have false ID of someone who does, understand currencies around the world, bank security cameras....I...I don't know, Feckless. I liked being a regular, corrupt cat before...."

Feckless licked his right paw. "Yeah, but it's a minimum wage job now. Times have changed, but some things are same ol'. There's only one eternal rule of robbery, Pre-Approved: RUN FAST WHEN IT GETS TOO GOOD."

by lurene gisee
photo from SFSPCA Pet adoptions for May 2009

CUT AND PASTE CATS PAY ONLY TAX IN STATE AFTER VOTE

Cut and her husband Paste, both Criminal Cats, roamed Van Ness late one evening looking for new opportunities. They needed to launder their counterfeit cash.

Paste stopped with a jerk. “Look! There’s a sports bar with all kinds of smokers at the door. Let’s go in,” he said to his wife.

“What?” said Cut. “I thought we were going to find a couple drug dealers near City Hall?”

“No, no, no! After that last election, gambling, smoking and beer are the only tax revenue California can count on!” said Paste. “Drugs are illegal!”

FECKLESS THE CAT MEETS DROSS, SPOKE AND BLUDGE IN SACRAMENTO

Feckless and Pre-Approved, the thieving cats, were at the 24-hour money laundry in downtown Sacramento, California. It was a nice, quiet, well-run shack in the shade.

They were there to sanitize currencies they ripped off in Europe. It was something they knew like the back of their scheming paws, Anvil the dog sometimes said between happy canine pants.

Pre-Approved Cat stepped up to the counter. Hot Air Hamster was working the desk today.

"Hey, Hot Air! I think we'll start with these hundreds and thousands from France. Let's clean them up, get a couple hundred thousand American bills, okay? Oh, and throw in a few forged municipal bonds and fancy hotel receipts from Los Angeles, will ya?"

"No problem, Pre-Approved. We've got a couple new contractors in today for the work. Dross, Spoke and Bludge Cats are here. They tend to like working Sacramento and Washington D.C., you know. Work picks up around mid-April, I guess. Especially for Bludge," said Hot Air Hamster, counting a pile of thousands. "Sure you wouldn't like some Mexican Pesos with that?"

Feckless the Cat stepped up aside Pre-Approved.

"Maybe next week, Hot Air. That flu bug's got security at the border. Real cops this time," said the cat.

"Oh, I forgot about that. Okay, dollars it is, then. Need some offshore receipts so you can pretend to have paid for things, couple foreclosed homes or something?"

"Yeah, okay. I heard about some cat food conglomerate meeting in the Cayman Islands last week," said Feckless, PUTTING his usual web of lies to market.

"Hey Dross," yelled Hot Air. "Fetch Spoke and Bludge Cats. Got customers!"

Dross and Bludge Cats jumped off their ledges in the back room to approach the counter. There was a silence as they all waited for the last, criminal cat.

"Hold on, hold on. I'm coming," said Spoke, trotting up to the kitty coven of fraud, out of breath. "Been a busy week in Sacramento for me."

"I know, Spoke. You're one of the busiest cats in California," said Bludge. "Nothing works without you standing there."

"You neither, Bludge. Okay, need a couple of phony cop outfits thrown in with that today, Feckless?" asked Dross. "We've got 'em half-off on Wall Street. We're extending the offer another few weeks for Sacramento. California Special. They're hot as, like, illegal weapons in Oakland."

Feckless paused, looking at Pre-Approved. Pre-Approved closed his eyes and swept his elegant, criminal tail over the floor. Feckless turned his head back to Dross the Cat, Hot Air Hamster, and nodded.

"Sure, why not? Phony cop outfits're like passports," said Pre-Approved. "But let's move on this, huh? We need to be back in San Francisco by dinnertime."

-- end --

May 14, 2009
lurene gisee (360) 752-6581
www.blackholeeconomics.com

FECKLESS AND PRE-APPROVED REFLECT ON LIFE....AND PLOT IN PARIS!

…One day the clever cats, Feckless and Pre-Approved, stood peacefully and philosophically by the…err…bank of Paris’ great river.

Feckless tilted his furred head and quietly spoke.

“As I watch this lovely water flow past us, I think of that ancient philosopher who said the creature who waits for the river's water to stop flowing so he can cross is wasting his time, and therefore his humble life.”

The cats, Feckless and Pre-Approved, stood quietly for about thirty seconds, contemplating their lives.

“Yes, Feckless. Wasting time, indeed. I see something flowing, too.”

Feckless shifted his weight. “What’s that, Pre-Approved?”

“France’s money. Hand me that bucket,” said the cheating cat. “By the time I’m done, all of France will cry my name!!”

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Shopping for a modern domain name? How about blackholeeconomics?

write lurene gisee at lurenekathleen yahoo dot com

REVERSE MORTGAGE AT BANK OF THE NEXT GUY WITH HOT AIR HAMSTER

Hot Air Hamster, the elderly loan officer, was a noted specialist in small print. He put his small glasses over his brown, hamster fur.

In his San Francisco office alongside him was Feckless Cat, Pre-Approved Cat, Cut Cat, Paste Cat and Anvil the Dog. Hot Air Hamster would now read the large and small print of the loan document for customer Anvil Dog, the unknowing financial victim.

The large print was the friendly part of the loan document, of course. Very easy to understand for all in the room. Even Anvil, who had an I.Q. of "1," if that even.

WELCOME TO BANK OF THE NEXT GUY. HERE IS A SUMMARY FOR YOU, OUR VALUED CUSTOMER, OF YOUR NEW FINANCIAL PRODUCT.....

When you sign this document, you will owe the international financial community a large amount of money for several hundred decades. That means you, your kids, their kids, all their illegitimate kids, those kids, their dogs, and the great, great grandkids of all their dumb kids. That is not just for this loan, either. Oh, no! Consider the interest included not only with today's loan you will use to buy that beat-up slum shack in town, but the echo of debts which will be created by your signature that is about to be scribbled here today by your pathetic paw, including, but not limited to, the faint sound of millions of fees, derivatives, Ponzi schemes, dark pools, hedge funds, insurance contracts and reinsurance contracts for and by foreign firms you've never heard of and may not even exist according to this assigned debtor, but may claim to exist, speciously, on documents written in foreign languages which do not include English, French, German, Italian, Russian, Hindu, Hebrew, Spanish, and/or Arabic after some time last week, but not before February 15, 1635. Additionally, in the case of an unforseen fire, flood, act of God, hurricane, tornado, landslide, riot, famine, mudslide, botched election, series of elections or alleged botched elections in Madagascar, or uninsured magnitude 2.1 earthquake in Los Angeles, you will STILL pay and pay and pay and pay and.....

SO, WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME TODAY. YOU'RE A GOOD DOG. WE LOVE YOU.

SIGN HERE: x_______________________


-- END --

by lurene gisee April 16, 2009
(360) 752-6581

CUT AND PASTE CRIMINAL CATS TAKE INTEREST IN OBAMA'S NEW FIRST DOG

"Oh, did you see this, dear? President Obama and his family finally took a dog? He said the dog could symbolize the goals of the new administration," said Cut the criminal cat to Paste the criminal cat. They were going through the morning papers.

"Dog, eh? Gift from Kennedy, isn't he? What are they calling him?" answered Paste, scanning a redundant riot story.

"Bo."

Paste's head shook slowly. "Fancy dog haircut. I know the type."

"No, sweety. No. Bo is B.O. The initials for the administration's larger plan for the economy," said Cut.

"Plan? What plan, Cut?"

"Buy Out, Paste. B.O."

"Oh, that's right. Why didn't I think of it?"

"Don't have to think," said Cut. "You own. They'll remind you tomorrow, too," said Cut, glancing at the date in claw.

- 30 -

by lurene gisee april 14, 2009
(360) 752-6581

FECKLESS AND PRE-APPROVED LEARN HOW BAD ECONOMY REALLY IS BACK HOME

"Things are getting bad, Feckless. Really bad. I don't know if all this theft is worth the trouble," said Pre-Approved, the criminal cat.

They were leaving London and now on a plane back to San Francisco. They were going to launder their stolen cash.

"Why's that?" said Feckless, the feline thief. "Are you having doubts about double-dealing and international crime?"

"Well, I stopped by a Hamas charity office in London before we got to the airport. I tried to unload a good pile of stolen cash. No questions, right? Wrong. Terrorist ran a credit check on me!"

-- by lurene gisee april 8, 2009 --