GOLDMAN KATZ GETS NEW LEADS IN ARIZONA

Goldman Katz, still interviewing with Feckless the Cat -- both of them wanted in multiple states by now for financial fraud and I.D. theft -- sat dejected with his head in his paws.

"Where do I go? What do I do?" he meowed woefully to Feckless Cat at the head of the desk.

"Try Arizona," said Feckless Cat comfortingly. "Get there in the next day or two and you get an illegal burrito, free trip to Mexico City, truckloads of marijuana and still have time to print a couple hundred football fields of phony currency."

"How do I get back to California?" said Goldman Katz, wiping his nose.

"Greyhound," said Feckless. "Bring a girlie magazine. Gets you past all those cop outfits."

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HOT AIR HAMSTER WORKS TODAY'S CROSSWORD PUZZLE

Hot Air Hamster, master of rip-off rodents, decided it was time to relax in Golden Gate Park. He walked over to his newspaper to work a puzzle.

He crawled around at the clues:

1. ACROSS: Gated community with the latest innovations in home security.

4. DOWN: Variety of North American shark, frequently found in Atlantic waters.

"Oh, okay. I get this," said Hot Air Hamster.

He wrote JAIL for 1. ACROSS, LOAN for 4. DOWN.

"I just love these crossword puzzles," thought Hot Air to himself. "I get so many cool new ideas doing them."

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GOLDMAN CATZ APPLIES FOR JOB WITH FECKLESS AND CO.

Feckless the Cat, fraudster wanted in multiple European countries and 27 U.S. states, decided to interview job applicant Goldman Catz, an investment banking feline from New York.

"So, Goldman Kitty, tell me what you did in New York?" asked Feckless calmly, shuffling the papers of the resume in his paws.

"NOTHIN', MAN! I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN', OKAY? I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS IN MY OFFICE AND....BLAM....THERE WAS THE GODDAMNED SEC!"


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